Hair’s the Deal

Disclaimer:  This is a personal blog post. It is based on my experiences and what I have observed. This is not meant to speak for all women or men.

I was in the shower today and decided I didn’t have time to shave my legs. And when I got out, I put on a short dress. A year ago, I would have been like “NOPE” and worn jeans. But then last November, I decided to do “No Shave November”. I just wanted to re-experience my hair. Prior to last November I was shaving EVERYTHING, including my forearm hair. I know. Some people will think this is weird, but I did it. I just didn’t like hair on my body. So, in November, I decided to not shave or pluck anything. No more hairless legs, arm pits, vulva, arms, etc. I was going to be au natural baby.

So I was expecting it to be like “EWWWW! GROSS! I’M A HAIRY MANNNNN!!!”

And at first, it was like that. I was really bothered by my leg hair. It was prickly, uncomfortable, and rubbed against EVERYTHING. But then I was enamored by it. It seemed so incredibly and naturally sexy. It wasn’t gross so much as it was awesome. I felt very tuned in to what my body was creating and I stopped feeling ashamed about it.

Wanna talk about empowerment? I was empowered. I was woman. Feel my natural body. See my natural self. My body was and is my own. My hair was beautiful. I was beautiful. My inner acceptance was expressed through my outer acceptance. It was hippie and perhaps cliché, but it was meaningful. And when November was over, I shaved. But now I go a week or so without shaving my legs and it’s not a thing of shame. I stopped shaving my forearms. And I let my pubic hair grow out; I just do a little trimming now.

Porn culture has convinced us that hair is unattractive. Women are always completely shaven except for sometimes when they have a little patch of buzzed hair above their vulva. It’s like a cute, little, weird vulva hat. But men choose whether or not they can have hair or not. It’s not a “EW! GROSS! HAIR!.”

Hair on bodies is a natural part of puberty. Puberty, as a developmental process, is mostly celebrated for guys. Hair, larger penises, deepening voice, becoming taller; even “taboo” subjects are okay. “Oh you’re masturbating. Ah viral expression!”

However, puberty for girls is only briefly celebrated.

Oh, you got your period! Now you are a woman! AND A GIANT BITCH!

Oh, now you have boobs? COVER THEM UP TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY OR YOU’RE A SLUT!

Ew leg hair. We don’t even want to celebrate that. Here’s a razor.

So, suddenly there is a weird dichotomy about female puberty. You are supposed to be sexy, but still look like a child.

How do you feel about that porn now?

This dichotomy is seen most explicitly in the music industry. For example, the recent VMAs. Miley Cyrus danced around with a giant foam penis finger. But then also giant teddy bears. She can’t be a sexually active woman. She has to be a sexually active woman-child. This is where patriarchy gets creepy. Meanwhile, Robin Thicke, married and a father, gets to grind against a woman 16 years younger than him and gets very little criticism. He can dance-fuck a woman-child without any consequences, but Miley does what pop and porn culture tells her is sexy and she is still called out.

Because you have to be a sexy woman-child virgin who also has sex, but doesn’t have sex with more than one person, but isn’t a prude, but waits ‘til marriage, but also is sexy and has sex.

Not saying that Miley was CORRECT in her performance. Just pointing out that her dance drew a lot of flak for being EXACTLY WHAT OUR CULTURE SAYS IS SEXY. Kind of like how Robin Thicke’s video drew a lot of anger for basically being an exaggerated stereotype of popular music.

Pubic and body hair for women is a sign of sexual maturity, but women are told to shave and hide that.  And for some women, shaving makes them feel sexier and it is a choice they make for themselves. I admit, smooth legs are like HEAVEN and it can help in making me feel sexually attractive. But, there is a difference in feeling sexy if you decide to shave and being told by the popular culture you are not sexy and gross if you choose not to shave.

If I shave because it is my choice, awesome.

If I shave because the culture tells me that I am unattractive if I don’t, less awesome.

I should not be viewed as unattractive for allowing my body to manifest the signs of sexual maturity.

I should not be seen as gross for leaving my body’s natural protection against dirt, friction and exposure. (FYI: Shaving and waxing does increase the chances of STIs. So…. keep that in mind. The tiny abrasions and holes plus the warm, moist environment of the genitals make the perfect breeding ground for STI’s.)

Anyway, I think I am sexier because of my pubic hair. But when I am faced with overwhelming cultural pressure to remove it, I get self conscious. Hair is normal. Hair is good. AND I WILL NOT WAX MY ASSHOLE TO BE CONSIDERED A SEXY MATURE WOMAN!

-Flannery