I grew up in the suburbiest of suburbs. My family lives in a small house built of pink brick, comfortably situated on a cul-de-sac amidst scores of kindly neighbors. Going to college in Fayetteville, AR has been a similar experience: for the most part, people are generous and respectful. Only rarely have I experienced what I would call street harassment. Maybe once or twice a month I’d get whistled at from a passing car, but that was the worst of it. I never understood why women would get so upset about it; after all, I thought, they’re just giving me a compliment! It wasn’t until I moved to Washington DC that I realized how bad it can truly be.
On one of my first nights in the city, a man called out to me as I walked by. “I’ll give you $150,” he shouted, his friends laughing and egging him on. That was my first real experience with street harassment, and it opened my eyes to a world many women experience on a daily basis.
I decided to start keeping track of every instance of street harassment I encountered. Using the hashtag #dcharassment, I began livetweeting every whoop, holler, and intimidating stare that men sent my way. In the last two weeks I’ve recorded almost 70 separate encounters. (You can follow me at @haychristyhay if you’d like to keep up with the experiment for the rest of the summer.)
I think the thing that has most surprised me is that street harassment isn’t something that only happens in the dead of night. It’s not always threatening. It’s not always even blatantly sexual. In fact, most of my experiences have been in broad daylight, on a crowded street, and involved some innocuous little phrase like “how you doing?”
This may not sound like anything to be worried about. If it’s not directly threatening, then what’s wrong with it? That’s what I’d like to explain here. Below, I describe the six types of street harassment I’ve personally experienced, and explain why they are wrong. Also, I wrote these as if I was speaking directly to the person harassing me, for heightened effect!
Six Types of Street Harassment (and why I don’t like them)
1) The “Sexually Explicit” Harassment.
Obviously no. I don’t even have to explain this one. Just no.
2) The “Flirtatious” Harassment.
You pass me on the street and say something generic, something along the lines of, “hey, baby, how you doing?” It’s nothing explicit, so it must be fine, right? All you’re trying to do is express your interest in me. But why do you feel the need? I’m on my way to be somewhere. This isn’t going to get you a date. Yet you still want me to know that you find me sexually appealing. It’s not enough for you to sexualize me in your mind; no, you have to make sure I know I’m being sexualized. You are deliberately degrading me, reducing me to a sexual object. And that is not ok.
3) The “Compliment” Harassment.
Sometimes this one is obvious: a “looking good, ladies” or a “nice legs, baby.” Or maybe you just mention to me that I have a nice smile. What’s wrong with that? You’re just giving me a compliment. But this one is similar to #2 because you are forcing me to acknowledge that, in your mind, I’m being sexualized. I would really prefer you keep it to yourself, thanks.
4) The “Constant Interruption” Harassment.
You say hello. I don’t respond. You say hello again. I still don’t respond. You continue to insert your voice into my personal space, waiting for me to suddenly decide that you’re the sort of person with whom I want to engage in conversation. It’s not going to happen, buddy. You wanna try once, fine. But if I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in talking to you, you need to respect my wishes. Your desire to talk to me does not trump my desire to read the Huffington Post in peace.
5) The “Creepy Stare” Harassment.
I’m walking toward you on the sidewalk. I glance in your direction, notice you looking at me, and look at the ground with a frown on my face. I glance back and you’re still looking at me. I glance again a moment later and you’re still looking. Now, I really can’t get mad at you for looking once. I check guys out all the time. The trick is doing it in a way that doesn’t make the other person uncomfortable. You’ve gotta respect me enough for that. Once I’ve made it clear that I’m not enjoying your gaze (note: looking at the ground with a frown on my face), you shouldn’t make me endure it any longer.
6) The “Seemingly Harmless” Harassment.
You say something that is, in most situations, fine. Something like “good morning.” First of all, usually this feels like just a thin disguise for #2, which I’ve already explained. But even if it’s genuine, here’s the thing: Since the majority of my public interactions with men involve them sexualizing me, I am going to assume you want to sexualize me as well. Your “good morning” is going to be a negative experience for me no matter how kindly you mean it. Please do me a favor and don’t put me through that.
PS – I’m not saying you can never talk to me. But the street is not the place to do it. This article (http://jezebel.com/you-cant-tell-the-attorney-general-she-has-an-epic-but-471311007) should give you a good idea of when it is and isn’t appropriate to approach a woman.
PPS – I’m tired of men saying that women need to “lighten up” or “learn to take a compliment.” Rather than belittling us for expressing how we feel, why not accept our opinions and change your behavior? If I tell you I don’t like something, don’t tell me I’m wrong for not liking it and try to make me change my mind. It won’t work. Also, it makes you an asshole.
-Christy
Welcome To The Patriarchy 
If you are assuming that every “good morning” and “hello” is an attempt to try to hit on you then you are assuming way to much. Sometimes a “good morning” is just a “good morning” and a “hello” is just a “hello”. You have some good points but if someone approaches you and tries to talk to you you should at least be kind enough to acknowledge them and see what they have to say. Maybe you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe? Maybe you dropped a twenty on the street? Just a thought.
Thanks for your response. I’d like to reiterate my sixth point: Not every “good morning” is an attempt to hit on me, but the majority of my interactions with men are. When I walk down the street everyday nervous about what will be said to me, sometimes already shaking inside from an earlier interaction, and a man speaks to me, my immediate reaction is fear. The intention behind their words does not matter in that moment. A man is speaking to me, and it bothers me.
I wish it didn’t have to be like this, and you clearly do too. If street harassment were not an issue, then every “good morning” would be just that, and every “hello” would be a kindness. We both want this. Why not join with me in opposing street harassment so that we can pave the way for the culture we desire? In order for that culture to exist, women have to feel safe in public spaces. Currently we do not. Recognize that our fear is legitimate, and do what you can to support us.
-Christy
I will not concede that greeting someone when walking by them is “street harassment”. How are you sure the majority of your interactions with men are an attempt to hit on you? Surely that is something unknowable unless you ask them outright? I just feel as though a true feminist would be much stronger than to be shaken by a man bidding you “good day” in a public area. Furthermore, I am a man. I ask myself “Do I sexualize women immediately after seeing them?” The answer is a resounding “not really”. This is something that I feel cannot be defined in terms of black and white. Again, obviously most of your list is very sound.
Edit: I misread and thought you still were living in Fayetteville, AR. Washington D.C. is a place were you should be very afraid in general and if you can leave you should.
Pingback: An Update on D.C. Harassment | Welcome To The Patriarchy
Pingback: Real Talk: Why I Avoided Men as a Teenager « Hella Basque