Six Ways to NOT Flirt with Potential Lovers

I grew up in the suburbiest of suburbs. My family lives in a small house built of pink brick, comfortably situated on a cul-de-sac amidst scores of kindly neighbors. Going to college in Fayetteville, AR has been a similar experience: for the most part, people are generous and respectful. Only rarely have I experienced what I would call street harassment. Maybe once or twice a month I’d get whistled at from a passing car, but that was the worst of it. I never understood why women would get so upset about it; after all, I thought, they’re just giving me a compliment! It wasn’t until I moved to Washington DC that I realized how bad it can truly be.

 

On one of my first nights in the city, a man called out to me as I walked by. “I’ll give you $150,” he shouted, his friends laughing and egging him on. That was my first real experience with street harassment, and it opened my eyes to a world many women experience on a daily basis.

 

I decided to start keeping track of every instance of street harassment I encountered. Using the hashtag #dcharassment, I began livetweeting every whoop, holler, and intimidating stare that men sent my way. In the last two weeks I’ve recorded almost 70 separate encounters. (You can follow me at @haychristyhay if you’d like to keep up with the experiment for the rest of the summer.)

 

I think the thing that has most surprised me is that street harassment isn’t something that only happens in the dead of night. It’s not always threatening. It’s not always even blatantly sexual. In fact, most of my experiences have been in broad daylight, on a crowded street, and involved some innocuous little phrase like “how you doing?”

 

This may not sound like anything to be worried about. If it’s not directly threatening, then what’s wrong with it? That’s what I’d like to explain here. Below, I describe the six types of street harassment I’ve personally experienced, and explain why they are wrong. Also, I wrote these as if I was speaking directly to the person harassing me, for heightened effect!

 

Six Types of Street Harassment (and why I don’t like them)

 

1) The “Sexually Explicit” Harassment.
Obviously no. I don’t even have to explain this one. Just no.

 

2) The “Flirtatious” Harassment.
You pass me on the street and say something generic, something along the lines of, “hey, baby, how you doing?” It’s nothing explicit, so it must be fine, right? All you’re trying to do is express your interest in me. But why do you feel the need? I’m on my way to be somewhere. This isn’t going to get you a date. Yet you still want me to know that you find me sexually appealing. It’s not enough for you to sexualize me in your mind; no, you have to make sure I know I’m being sexualized. You are deliberately degrading me, reducing me to a sexual object. And that is not ok.

 

 

3) The “Compliment” Harassment.
Sometimes this one is obvious: a “looking good, ladies” or a “nice legs, baby.” Or maybe you just mention to me that I have a nice smile. What’s wrong with that? You’re just giving me a compliment. But this one is similar to #2 because you are forcing me to acknowledge that, in your mind, I’m being sexualized. I would really prefer you keep it to yourself, thanks.

 

4) The “Constant Interruption” Harassment.
You say hello. I don’t respond. You say hello again. I still don’t respond. You continue to insert your voice into my personal space, waiting for me to suddenly decide that you’re the sort of person with whom I want to engage in conversation. It’s not going to happen, buddy. You wanna try once, fine. But if I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in talking to you, you need to respect my wishes. Your desire to talk to me does not trump my desire to read the Huffington Post in peace.

 

5) The “Creepy Stare” Harassment.
I’m walking toward you on the sidewalk. I glance in your direction, notice you looking at me, and look at the ground with a frown on my face. I glance back and you’re still looking at me. I glance again a moment later and you’re still looking. Now, I really can’t get mad at you for looking once. I check guys out all the time. The trick is doing it in a way that doesn’t make the other person uncomfortable. You’ve gotta respect me enough for that. Once I’ve made it clear that I’m not enjoying your gaze (note: looking at the ground with a frown on my face), you shouldn’t make me endure it any longer.

 

6) The “Seemingly Harmless” Harassment.
You say something that is, in most situations, fine. Something like “good morning.” First of all, usually this feels like just a thin disguise for #2, which I’ve already explained. But even if it’s genuine, here’s the thing: Since the majority of my public interactions with men involve them sexualizing me, I am going to assume you want to sexualize me as well. Your “good morning” is going to be a negative experience for me no matter how kindly you mean it. Please do me a favor and don’t put me through that.

 

PS – I’m not saying you can never talk to me. But the street is not the place to do it. This article (http://jezebel.com/you-cant-tell-the-attorney-general-she-has-an-epic-but-471311007) should give you a good idea of when it is and isn’t appropriate to approach a woman.

 

PPS – I’m tired of men saying that women need to “lighten up” or “learn to take a compliment.” Rather than belittling us for expressing how we feel, why not accept our opinions and change your behavior? If I tell you I don’t like something, don’t tell me I’m wrong for not liking it and try to make me change my mind. It won’t work. Also, it makes you an asshole.

 -Christy

Hey Sexy!

*Disclaimer: This post is rated M for More fucking language.

Last night I finally decided to go see a movie alone.

Why?

Mostly because I really wanted to and because I hear that it’s awesome.

And because I wanted to see Star Trek: Into Darkness.

Again.

Like the sad and lonely nerd that I am.

Anyway.

After of hours of searching and calling and mapping, I finally found a theater that was not beyond fucking Egypt to watch this movie.

The only thing is that I had to take the subway by myself for the first time.

No big deal.

I made it to the theater on the other side of town and the piece of shit was freakin’ sold out when I was five people away from purchasing my ticket.

Yah, I know.

I saw red in that moment.

I mean seriously, one month later and the J.J Abrams is still selling out at the boxes offices. Good for him. Bad for me.

Anyway, I was livid.

On my way home it was pretty dark.

And the amount of men that leered at me made my skin crawl.

“Hey sexy.”  One said just as I walked passed.

“Gurrrrl, you are beautiful. Aw, don’t walk away. I know you hear me. Uh-huh, I know you hear me.”

“Hey, shawty. Shawty, you’s so fine. So, so fine. Shawty, lemme talk to you.”

Let me set this straight.

I am 120 lbs.

Someone could literally pick me up and carry me away. I went from being pissed off to being scared and horrified in a split second.

It’s during these moments that I tell myself things like:

Don’t make eye contact.

Is he following me?

I shouldn’t look back.

Are my clothes too tight?

I’m only wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a baggy hoodie.

Just walk faster.

I hope I’m not being followed.

I need to take a detour.

Where’s the next street?

Where’s my phone?

Back pocket.

What am I carrying?

Can I drop everything if I have to run?

Where can I run?

Where is safe?

What time is it?

It can’t be past 7:30.

I shouldn’t’ve come out here.

I should’ve stayed at home.

And then I start tearing up because I’m scared and angry.

My eyes are watering because I don’t know if I’m going to die or not.

Or if I’m going to get raped or not.

I’m angry because I know that it’s wrong to feel like this.

To feel like motherfucking prey on a Friday night.

What would happen if I disappeared?

Would anyone notice?

How would my family react? Will they be able to recover?

Would the news media even cover it because I am a Black woman?

Yeah, that rarely happens.

Think about it.

When was the last time you heard a news story about a Black woman or little Black girl being raped?

Never?

Yeah, to media, Black woman normally don’t matter and if they do they’re portrayed saying stupid shit like, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

And then it becomes America’s fucking catch phrase despite the fact that that woman was probably scared out of her mind and in a state of shock when she said that.

Even if my disappearance was covered, you would hear a lot of:

Her shirt and her jeans were too tight.

Walking around in New York City alone? What was she thinking?

She should have known better.

Was it really worth-it?

This is called victim-blaming.

If you do this, you perpetuate patriarchy because you blame the victim and never ask questions about why the attacker did what they did. You say the victim should have stayed home and live on what is known as a “rape schedule” because they’re a woman.

Um, guess what?

THIS IS NOT THE FUCKING FIFTIES!

Why should I deny myself life experiences based on fear-tactics perpetuated by patriarchy? I shouldn’t have to. If anything, anyone should be free to walk down the street naked without judgment or fear.

If I was wearing a skirt you would probably hear this:

That skirt was too short.

Too tight.

I know it was a hot day out, but she showed way too much skin. That’s too tempting for a man– (as if it’s in a man’s nature to naturally be a sexual predator).

She knew what she was doing when she wore that skirt.

She was asking for it.

This is called slut-shaming.

Women and men slut-shame women all of time. This mostly helps to keep each other down.

When you bring a woman down based on what she is wearing over what she carries in her head you are slut-shaming. When you comment on her lack of modesty, you are slut-shaming.

The sexualization of normal body parts are not her fault. You can blame patriarchy for that.

Breasts are normal body parts. Just as normal as your arm and your fingernail. Most indigenous peoples don’t have shirts and they are fine.

Does anyone call their women sluts? Nope. We just call them savages for not knowing any better.

Arrogant much?

Butts. Vaginas.  Penises. Same thing.

They are normal body parts.

They are all normal body parts that are sexualized because of patriarchy.

Street harassment happens to every woman. Not just me. Not just black women.

EVERY woman.

Sisters. Mothers. Daughters. Girl friends. Best friends. Aunts. Moms.

Every single woman living has experienced street harassment at one point or another and they all feel like how I did last night.

I don’t care who you are, do not call out to people if you think they’re hot while they are walking on the street. It’s scary. Probably more so for women than men, but it’s still scary.

Furthermore, it’s disrespectful. No one likes being catcalled by a bunch of creeps.

It does nothing but make that person feel super uncomfortable.

If you want to compliment someone, just be human about it and give them a compliment.

Don’t shout or whistle or honk your horn or stare at them like a piece of meat.

If you really want to date them then just ask or hook up, then just ask or strike up a normal conversation.

If they don’t respond or walk away, then don’t fucking follow them.

That is called stalking in case you didn’t know.

Street harassment is serious business. My friend Christy has been logging the of the amount street harassment that she receives at any given moment on twitter for the past nine days. She is currently at number 42.

You look at her log by searching #W2TP on twitter or Facebook.

W2TP  = Welcome to the Patriarchy.

If you see patriarchy, I encourage you to tweet about it or hashtag it on the Facebooks. The more you increase awareness, the more people know about it, the more we can stop it.

‘Cause that shit ain’t cool.

-O

Cosmic Love, Despair and Change: How Cosmo is either really relevant or totally not

So Cosmo, the women’s magazine gets a lot of flack for it’s hilarious sex tips, could maybe be an awesome magazine. It could be the guiding light of feminists, of women, of an anti-rape culture. After all, Cosmo has a pretty interesting history. This is a publication that has been printing since 1886. Later, it became a LITERARY magazine. THAT’S RIGHT FOLKS. Cosmo, the magazine that gives you such sultry sex tips like “put a donut around his penis and nibble it off” has published the likes of Kurt Vonnegut, Upton Sinclair and Willa Cather. So what happened?

Well, television kinda killed the literary magazine and then Helen Gurley Brown became the editor in the 1960s. And the magazine became much more sexually oriented.

Now, a magazine that offers straightforward and honest answers about sex is NOT a bad thing. But Cosmo is a magazine that has fallen into patriarchy and needs a hand getting out. Sometimes the patriarchal influence isn’t as easy to find as “HOW TO BAG A HUSBAND”, but unfortunately it still permeates the pages of Cosmo. For instance, in the July 2013 issue, in the “His Confessions” section (where guys write in their embarrassing sexual moments) there was this escapade:

I had been seeing a girl for a few weeks, and we hadn’t slept together yet. One night after a date, she said she’d had a great time but she was tired. She said if I wanted to come inside and watch a movie to end the night, that’d be cool. I took this as a green light to hook up, obviously. When we started the movie, she told me she wanted to get into something comfortable and walked into her bedroom. Thinking I was reading her signals right, I waited a minute, then followed her in. Her door was partially open, so I just swung on through, and there she was half-dressed changing into a pair of sweats. But instead of pouncing on me when she spotted me in her doorway like I thought she would, she started screaming at me and telling me to get out, She even threw one of her shoes at my head! I clearly misinterpreted her intentions. I muttered something about assuming that she went into her room for a reason, but she already judged me a perv. I never saw her again.

I read this and I didn’t laugh. I was concerned. Because I would be scared if a guy barged into my room as I was half dressed and vulnerable, without asking, without permission. I would scream and throw my shoe too. This is an anecdote that is a direct result of rape culture. He thought it was TOTALLY okay. Then it is published in a section that is filled with “Well, I accidentally farted in front of my date” anecdotes. This is a story where the woman was scared. He didn’t listen to her words at all when trying to read her intentions. She said she was tired. She said she was putting something more comfortable on. How much different would this evening had been if he had ASKED PERMISSION? A simple knock on the door could have prevented this episode. But he didn’t feel the need to knock. Because of patriarchy and his privilege and his “right” to any woman. And see, patriarchy and rape culture teaches that what happened was just an embarrassing moment. That the girl over reacted (“She even threw a shoe at my head!”). There is not an attitude of apology in his tone. He is shocked he didn’t get laid that very second! (“But instead of pouncing on me like I thought she would…”).

I was disappointed in Cosmo for publishing this story when I’m sure there were many others that would have been humorous instead of making light of the fear of rape. How many other times has this happened when a woman has raped by a man she has known?

This shit isn’t funny Cosmo.

Now, new Editor Joanna Coles has said that she wants to make the magazine more political. Which is awesome; regardless on your stance, it is important to be informed on issues of reproductive health, gun control, states rights, marriage rights, immigration privacy and all the other important issues. But look through any Cosmo and you see a deluge of pink. Of hetero normative sex advice. Of advice on how to grab the man who is just your fuck buddy, or friend, or who doesn’t want to propose. And the few other articles about how to ask for a raise are not enough when I am bombarded with messages of how I need to be skinnier, or sexier, or richer. Cosmo is still playing the patriarchy game. Its how they sell the copies of their magazine. What would happen if the woman they featured was a lesbian? Or not a size 2-12. What if they stopped photoshopping in order to make a woman look significantly smaller? What if they featured female politicians instead of the Kardashians? These are things that need to change in order for Cosmo to stop playing the patriarchy game.

Cosmo’s information on campus rape statistics is just lip service unless they start to address the rape culture in between their pages.

That being said, there are some good articles on their website. Here are a couple on the lack of sex weeks at universities and how to deal with street harassment. Cosmo is moving in the right direction, so yay! But they aren’t there yet.

Cosmo, women need and deserve more from a woman’s magazine.

(And, If you are looking for a truly feminist source of articles and news, I would check out Bust.com or feministing.com.)

-F

And Justice for All: A look from the inside of the storm

I am going to be an attorney. Upon reading that sentence I’m sure more than a few presumptions came to mind and sadly most of them are true. The field of law is a tough landscape for a woman. You want to see the patriarchy? Go down to your local courthouse.

The Law is the patriarchy’s strong hold. The long arm of the law is what they hide behind when their positions are threatened.

Doubt me?

Take a look at where the battles to preserve the patriarchy are taking place: courtrooms and the floors of legislatures all around this country. The defense of the patriarchy starts in the legislatures where bills are drafted by old, white men (either directly or through campaign money) who I will guarantee have a law degree.

Those bills are used to attack things that otherwise were being used to slowly pull us out of the patriarchy. Things like Sexual Education programs in school, funding for programs such as Planned Parenthood, school funding en masse being moved to other non-education related projects, DOMA. If you have even kept a casual eye on the media as of late I’m sure you’ve heard of some of these things happening.

Further, when that legislation is revealed for what it truly represents (behind the carefully crafted language that it’s branded with to make it more palatable) the battle for the patriarchy is moved not to the people but to the very playground of the patriarchy, the courtroom. Let’s take a look at who’s there to step up to the plate in the interest of the people.

I just got back from my state’s bar association convention. To preface with a few facts the bar convention is a gathering of almost every single person who pays dues to that state’s bar. To pay dues you must have passed the bar examination in that state and you can’t practice law in the state unless you are a member of the bar of that state. As such the conference consisted of almost all the active lawyers, judges, and politicians of that state, some very powerful people. These powerful people are the ones who pass, enforced, and defend laws like DOMA. In order to understand how the patriarchy persists you have to understand what the people who promulgate it look like and never will there be a more clear picture to you than from the inside, there is nowhere more “inside” than the field of law.

I like to think of myself as a Southern girl, I am aware of the stigma that comes with being from the South and the people up here were quick to point it out to me. For those who are not privy there is an assumption that Southern people are racist, especially white Southern people. When someone jokingly pointed it out to me at the convention as I was handing them their name badge I asked them if they too had noticed the glaring disparity in the bar association attendees. There was no more than 5 non-white people in the entire bar.

Out of almost one thousand people only five.

 Wrap your brain around that figure in the context of this event. Out of all the people making decisions for the entire state (both in public policy as state representatives and in the courtroom as judges and counsel ) only 5 were non-white. What does that say about how the agenda of the patriarchy is being treated at the two battlegrounds. This particular convention was held in a Midwestern state to be fair but that minority gap does not get better when you leave the Midwest. Particularly since this state has a very large Native population, but none of them were there. Granted, there is an “Indian Bar” (their words not mine) that pertains specifically to the tribes of the state but to be a part of that bar you must first be a part of the bar of my state.  

The women weren’t much better. Only 30-40 percent of the attendees were women. Most younger women who had succumbed to the pressures of being a young woman in the legal world and were entertaining the old judges leering at them. The few older women who were judges were belittled with barbs such as “Gotta meet the Affirmative Action quota”, “She only got it because we have to have a woman” and “Well, her father was…”

None of those barbs went the other way.

Whenever I spoke to a man who was a bar president elect, a newly appointed judge, or even the new dean of the Law School I never, not once, heard someone mumble about the connections he had. And he had them because you can’t get to that position without a few connections, especially not in the field of law. Law IS the old boys club personified. If you don’t know someone you’re not getting in, it doesn’t matter your class rank, school of choice, years of experience. A letter from an old college buddy or a distant relative will trump any actual merits of another candidate every day.

You might say “Well if you’re so deep in the patriarchy, AJ4A, why aren’t you doing something about it?”

Good point, you should be asking those questions. What am I doing? Not much, I’m doing what I can and I’m doing what I love. It’s the reason I was even at the bar association this summer instead of carrying around an associate’s golf bag and ordering him another Mimosa at the open bar.

I was at the Bar Meeting to work the table for the non-profit legal organization I work for. My program recruits lawyers across the state to take one or two cases a year for people falling within a certain income bracket.  Most of my clients are homeless veterans, disabled people, and domestic violence survivors. People that don’t fall into the silver spoon attitudes of the cotton topped males walking around the room talking about their Tee time for the next day’s four person golf scramble (which they could afford to drop the $1,500 a person and a day’s worth of work for but not their precious retainer and a few hours at the most to help a domestic violence victim get a simple protection order). In the true style of white privilege people walked by our table like it didn’t exist. The few who mistook it for registration quickly shuffled off without so much as a stammered ‘thanks.’ Ignore the problem and it’s not there, just like usual for the state with some of the poorest counties in the nation, but able to spend almost a quarter of a million on a state bar meeting with numbers in the 5 digits for the “hospitality rooms” full to the brim of free alcohol (for the profession with most alcoholism in it).

After being ignored for the better part of 2 days we went to the banquet that evening. The amount of money and splendor around me just about took my breath away. I’m not used to being around money so it was frankly shocking to walk into this room and see the blatant display of grandeur.   Flowers in 7 foot tall glass vases sparkling with crystals hanging down on every table, girls salivated over having that at their weddings and here I was surrounded by it on every single one of the almost 150 tables in the room.  The tables were impeccably set with fine silverware, food already covering them, the open bar at the back had lines of at least 30 people already forming and the stage at the front of the room was fully set up for a well-known band to play. He only question was, where to sit. Another thing to note is that my boss is a Native and her husband is white, but is a zealous advocate for Natives specifically with their children. So zealous that he filed a lawsuit against some of the prominent judges of the state for violating a federal law regarding children. So already our little group had 3 strikes in trying to undermine the patriarchy: a pro bono program helping the poor, represented by 2 women, one of whom is a minority, and a man who had dared to stand up to the patriarchy.

 I’m sure you can imagine how this banquet went for us.

We were sequestered in the very corner of the banquet room, at a table by ourselves and in a room of almost a thousand people less than 10 came to speak with us.

Then there was the issue of the speaker. The speaker was fantastic, a prominent statesman and attorney from South Carolina. The story behind why he was our speaker is possibly the most disgusting thing I heard while I was there (besides the gentleman who told me he didn’t take cases for poor people). I spent a great amount of time helping the registration table since we only had 3 people and people were avoiding us like the folders that we were passing out contained the plague. While there I was privy to a rather interesting conversation between our state bar president, who is almost identical to the old (and very racist) mascot of Ole Miss, and the head of state bar programming (a very nice lady). She had asked how he had chosen this speaker and of course the state bar president began recounting the story of how he was at his winter house in Maui (yes, Hawaii) with several other “prominent” attorneys and judges they had discussed who the speaker this year should be and this particular man was suggested so he flew out to his vacation home in Hilton Head, SC to meet with him and went on about how he was “the nicest black man” and would be perfect to come speak due to his “unique circumstances”. I asked what made him decide on this particular gentleman he began recounting how he was a black man who had become state bar president in the 1970’s (HINT: those aren’t voted in, in the words of the President himself all state bar Presidents are “groomed” into that position by previous state bar presidents, there is no opposing party, no election, it’s already decided. Not to belittle this man’s accomplishments but the patriarchy and the state bar are one in the same and that doesn’t change much when you leave the Midwest). I asked what he else he had accomplished, what his legislation accomplishments were or what he had done otherwise, but the man couldn’t think of anything. So basically this gentleman was flying into the Midwest to speak not on his merits as an attorney, statesman, or person, but solely because he was black. He was coming to speak to a room with only 5 minority members in it solely based on the fact that he had attained a position and was black. I had to walk away at this next sentence “Now I know you’re from down there, young lady, but things were very different back then, in that time it was quite the accomplishment”. Think about how uninformed and uneducated that statement is, take into account that this man has a residence in the South so it’s not just ignorance from being thousands of miles away, he regularly visits the South. This is a man in charge of an organization that has a lot of political power both in the legislature and in the courts and he just said there was no more racism. In the South. None. Thank goodness the legal patriarchy took care of that issue.

“But AJ4A,” you might say “Those are just people with state power, it’s not the same as in the Federal government and in SCOTUS.” I will answer that on the state level since it is most often ignored. I’m sorry, but SCOTUS and the Legislative branch can make all the directives they want but those directives have to be enforced in state legislatures and courts. And these men are more than willing to completely disregard federal laws if it doesn’t suit the patriarchy. Want an example? Indian Child Welfare Act, look it up and educate yourself on how states are completely disregarding a Federal law in the interest of preserving their Tee Times at the golf course and with the knowledge that those Native families can do nothing due to the rampant racism and poverty around them.

Before you discount the entire legal system let me say that there are people in the state who work with our program and help others out, there are judges who after they retire go on to mediate for children’s rights in divorces, there are people in the legal profession who do good and a lot of it but that number may look good on paper but it’s also a lie. We say we have 400 attorneys signed up to do pro bono cases most are signed up for areas of law that they know we don’t get cases for just so they can say they tried. The actual number is more around 50-100 maybe even less across an entire state graduating 100 more lawyers every year. Not enough to satisfy the need for a state as impoverished as ours.

Now I’m not a radical feminist or anything of the sort, in fact I’m quite moderate and come from a very Conservative family who I share a few values with. But I am aware of what’s going on around me, I feel uncomfortable in a room of just white people and when that room is one where a lot of important decisions are being made by and coming out from I get a little concerned. Even more so when I listen to what they are saying about themselves and the people around them and I have never had the patriarchy slap me so hard as when I was there, in the heart of the snake’s den. If you truly want to know where the patriarchy’s stronghold is look no further than your local courtroom. I guarantee you will find it there. 

-Anonymous

To Mom and Dad

This weekend is my parents’ 25th wedding anniversary. So this is a sap post on their inspiration for everything I do.

My parents are hilarious, dorky, loving individuals who are so perfectly matched for each other. They have continued through their example to show what a loving, open and successful marriage is like. Equally importantly is their encouragement of thought; I was always encouraged to read, and write and do. 

My parents were adamant that I should go to college to get an education, NOT a husband.

Once, when I was 11,  I was reading a book that had a graphic rape scene in it. Horrified I went to my mom and showed it to her. She read the scene and handed the book back to me and told me “You are old enough to decide for yourself what you want to read.” It was MY decision to stop reading the book (I didn’t like reading it), rather than her’s. 

My dad has always listened and engaged me in conversation in all my feminist and literary (and personal) rants. 

My parents taught me to use the name of body parts, like “penis” or “vulva” and ‘vagina” and “breasts”. Nicknames like “willy” and “peepee” can eventually lead to “cock” and “pussy”. Respect for our bodies and others’ bodies has always been important and a lesson my parents taught us from very young.

Parents have the ability to make such an impact on their children. Walter and Michelle have raised 4 children who are loving, intelligent, creative and open individuals. They have instilled a love of social justice, of knowledge, of compassion, and of joy in us that reaches beyond our home. My siblings and I differ in opinions but when we talk about our different thoughts about articles, or books, or movies, we can all come up with deep and relevant points. My parents desired more for their children than average and I can say that none of us are average in the slightest! My parents raised children (and now two adults!) who are going to change the world, through writing, or film making, or just through loving behavior. Parents like mine create and raise children who are not satisfied with the status quo. 

Parenting can be an instrument of change too. New generations are going to take over ours. They will learn from our mistakes and make their own. Let’s make sure the generation after ours is going to understand the importance of dignity, of respect, of love, of consent. 

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

-F

 

Let’s Talk About Fat (Part One)

I want everyone to say something, right now. Regardless of race, religion, color, sex, gender, (because those two things ARE different, but that’s another article), or orientation. Regardless of where you are, where you’re from, where you’re going. Say it with me, out loud.

I am not fat.

Say it again. Feels good, doesn’t it?

I am not fat.

Even if you ARE fat, or THINK you are fat, or have ever been TOLD you are fat, say it out loud.

I am not fat.

What does “fat” mean? To society, and more specifically to women (“fat men aren’t fat, only fat women are fat”), “fat” means “disgusting”. It means “unhealthy”. It means “unpretty, unacceptable, unlovable”. It means “desexualized, laughable, dehumanized”. It means that our places in society are restricted to the “funny sidekick”. To the “sarcastic, sassy girl who doesn’t take shit”. To the “girl who gets the guy in spite of her fat, and is shocked and ever so grateful that someone could EVER want to be with her”. To the “depressed, unhappy, alone girl”.

“Fat” is an insult. “Hey, Fattie, stop being such a fattie!”

“Fat” is a condition requiring empathy or sympathy or false pity. “Wouldn’t you LIKE to be healthier?”

“Fat” is a method of control, of constriction. “You’re too fat to wear that.”

WELL GUESS WHAT.

“FAT” DOESN’T REALLY MEAN ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

You know what fat ACTUALLY means?

And “fat” means adipose tissue. “Fat” means “having a lot of adipose tissue.” There are no other words that mean precisely those things in precisely those ways.

(Seriously, no fat person is fluffy. Cats are fluffy. Ed’s hair is fluffy. My body is fat.)   ( “Saying the F-Word: Fat Fat Fat” – xoJane.com)

FAT MEANS FAT.

That’s right. It’s REVOLUTIONARY, isn’t it? That a word means precisely what it says it means?

Fat means you have excess tissue.

Fat does not mean you are disgusting. Not beautiful. Not sexy.

Fat does not mean you deserve to be laughed at. To be hated.

Fat does not mean you are pigeon-holed into the role of sidekick to your skinny friends.

Fat means FAT.

Our aversion to the word “fat” as a society is understandable. But after reading the article by xoJane mentioned above, I concur entirely: using the word “fat” in print is POWERFUL. It is meaningful. It strips “fat” of its ability to hurt, and takes it back to PRECISELY what it is: an adjective used to describe someone’s appearance. It’s like “tall”, “dark”, “muscled”. If we use “fat” to mean exactly what it means, to describe someone who is overweight, we are removing every bit of its right to be a slur.

That does NOT mean that words don’t hurt. They do. They always have, and always will, because words retain the power to harm and heal in equal measure. But our culture of fat-shaming, of fat-hating, of “fear” of obesity when it is really an obsession with thinness, our culture has turned “fat” into a negative, terrible word, and that’s just not right.

So I say we take it back. FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT

That’s right; in the way that some homosexuals now call themselves “fags” or “queer”, using once-damaging slurs to identify as a method of defiance and pride, I say we TAKE BACK the word “fat”. If we continue to think of fat as a bad word, if we continue to not say it, what are we doing?

Promoting fat-shame and fat-hate.

Giving “fat” power to hurt.

So take it back.

Write a story about someone who is fat, and CALL THEM FAT.

Watch a TV show and remark upon someone’s fatness, IN A POSITIVE WAY.

Because you know what?

YOU ARE NOT THE SUM TOTAL OF YOUR APPEARANCE.

YOU ARE NOT THE SUM TOTAL OF ONE MEANINGLESS WORD LIKE FAT.

You are so much more than fat.

Think of all the things you ARE. Think of them, right now. Are you funny? Clever? Shy? Cautious? Sexual? Creative? What are THOSE things?

I am intelligent, cynical, and sarcastic. THOSE are things that I actually AM. Those are things that identify me as a PERSON. “Fat”? “Fat” is just a descriptor. “Fat” is an adjective about my appearance, something that means SO LITTLE compared to all the beautiful things about my PERSONALITY.

Take back the word “fat”. Stop letting people hurt others with it. Stop giving them the power. “Fat” is not an insult. “Fat” is an observation. This is a huge step in the road to the eradication of fat-shaming. Don’t let anyone shame such a triviality.

Don’t we preach that “beauty is on the inside” anyway?

Or is that just for fat girls?

Nicolette ❤

That’s a Woman’s Job

During my stay at the University of Minnesota for a professional development conference, I realized that part of me is upset that I never considered the idea of attending such a wonderful institution for my undergraduate. It’s incredibly modern and hyper-aware of social justice issues to the point that my heart soars with joy. Rooms are geared toward being more sustainable, there are energy kiosks in every building that inform students of the amount of power and water being utilized, sexual assault posters that offer help to students*,  gender neutral floors/rooms and fucking bike lanes throughout the entire city.

Not to mention that the architecture is phenomenal and that this place is the cleanest city I’ve ever even seen in my entire life.

The only downside is that is get cold as balls during the winter.

I’m mean seriously, as a Californian I cannot begin to imagine what -40 degrees feels WITH wind chill AND an additional 9 ft of snow, especially when I’m accustomed to 50 degrees being chilly.

Not that I would trade my time at the University of Arkansas for the world. Nothing can replicate the experiences that I’ve had there because I wouldn’t be at this professional development conference to begin with if it wasn’t for the UofA.

But shit…

Anyway, I’m starting  Day 3 of secretly considering if I want to spend my graduate career at this magnificent institution when I spy my first red flag.

The public restrooms!

I know, right?

Anyway, as I’m trying my hardest to stay awake during a session about something or other due to my lack of coffee and (expected) lack of sleep (during any given conference), I decide that it would be best if I walked around and took a potty break. No biggie. And just as I enter the area of the women’s restroom, I stop. In this area is a Mother’s room!

Cool shit. I’m impressed that they even have something other than those icky baby changing stations.

It’s got its own door for privacy and everything. So naturally my next question is, I wonder if there’s a Father’s Room?

Because sometimes a Dad’s gotta take the kiddies to the restroom, too.

NOPE!

Just kidding.

No Father’s Room!

When I asked a fellow delegate if they even have changing stations in the restroom, I was disappointed to hear that there wasn’t one.

As matter of fact, he rarely ever saw a baby changing station in the men’s restroom.

Because changing shitty diapers is woman’s job.

Why?

Because patriarchy says so. That’s why.

One of the great things about being at institution with intelligent and like minded people is having the opportunity to talk about issues like this, so naturally my fellow delegate and I hop into a discussion about how it should be called The Parent’s Room or The Family Room instead.

I’m not saying it’s bad, but it’s subtle messages like this that suggest that sexism and gender stereotypes still exists. I’m sure that that very few would even think twice about why it’s called the Mother’s room.

Until of course you’re a father with child and no place to care for it.

You see, this isn’t just about the placement or that labeling of the “room,” but think about the way it’s gendered. It’s specifically for mothers despite the fact that fathers might have children, too. Think about what would happen if you’re a transgendered parent, what do you do in a situation like that?

What about if you’re transgendered and you don’t even know which restroom to step into? Do you know that it’s illegal in some places to use restrooms that do not correlate with your biological sex even if you don’t identify as that sex?

Earlier this semester, I was reading Middlesex, which is a fictional novel about the life of a man born that was born with a genuine genetic “mutation” that gave him elements of both male and female gentiles, but throughout the first half of his life he identified as a girl because that’s what he was told he had to be.; he was raised and treated as a little girl with specific gender roles. Lo and behold his DNA suggests that he is actually male. Despite his identity as a girl,  biologically he is male, which is just as bad since he is essentially both sexes if we’re going off of what’s between his legs.

Because let’s face it, things like what’s between your legs, skin color, hair color, eye color and facial symmetry defines exactly how you get treated in this culture despite having absolutely no control over how you are assigned such biological traits.

Due to social construction, you are either male or female and nothing in between exists or is ever even considered.

Ever.

Rarely do you see gender-neutral restrooms, housing, clothing or underwear.

Cal, the main character in this book, struggles with things like this constantly as an adult. He goes in men’s restrooms and uses the stall or he’ll shower in corners only because he is ashamed since what’s “wrong” with him isn’t “normal” even though it’s entirely natural. Cal is uncomfortable because there is literally no place in the world for people like him. If I recall correctly, I don’t even think Cal swims.

The level of discomfort is painful, but at a constant state that discomfort and lack of space does things psychologically to the affected individual. Even if Middlesex is fictional, it reflects on real life situations.

What is Cal supposed to do? What are real people supposed to do?

And what’s frustrating is that if someone violates the norm they are penalized for it, be it through chastisement or jail time.

This is why I admire gender-benders like Lady Gaga, Marilyn Manson, and badass Drag Queens because they make people who don’t think about social constructs feel uncomfortable. They make you think about why you feel uncomfortable. And why it matters. They violate what society considers “normal.”

What is normal? The majority? The standard deviation?

News flash!

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL!

A human beings is a human being and at the end of the day everyone poops.

Everyone poops. Okay?

These labels only enable us to tell ourselves lies that we are different when in reality DNA suggests that we’re biologically .1% different from the person sitting next to you. That number is a helluva a lot smaller if you’re related to that person. We are essentially 99.9% the same as human beings.

My point is that the few things that makes us different are things that human beings constructed to set ourselves apart, oppress each other, and keep each other down.

These constructs only prohibit us from moving forward as a society and inhibits progress.

These constructs  serve to either give you more or less privileges.

That’s it.

Other than the fact that women can carry another little human creature inside of her body, as a species we are hardly different at all. If anything gender is a continuum.

It is social constructions and expectations that tell us otherwise.

Especially since Dads need to change shitty diapers, too.

Think about it. Read about it. Talk about it. Do something about it.

-O

*Apparently this sexual assault deal was targeted toward women only from what I was recently told, but the services were offered to both men and women.

I am white.

Neat little post on White privilege from a different perspective.

Progress and Privilege

I am white. I sit in my white skin with my trendy Ked’s and my shirt that someone called preppy, when I didn’t realize it was (it is). My shoes are not really Ked’s. They came from the Payless on Greenmount, where I was the only white person in the store, the only white person on the street that day. Little matter. No matter where I shop or with whom I associate, I will be white. No matter my intentions, it turns out that I more often do shop with white people, and more often do associate with white people.

I am learning to be anti-racist. I am practicing in my glances towards others and in the direction I walk. In the smiles I give and the “Have a nice days,” that I share unsolicited. They will not erase the fact that I walk in a body of privilege, with…

View original post 182 more words

The Boob Job That America Needs (NSFW)

All this thinking about feminism and patriarchy has started to infiltrate my dreams. Last night I dreamt that I had decided to go around without my shirt on, baring my breasts for the world to see because if men can show their chest why can’t I?

And it’s a good question, because men’s chests are generally unsexualized. Their nipples do not cause waves when bared on national television. Their sex appeal comes from their muscles they develop, not just their bodies in general. Consider these two pictures:

In the top picture, the emphasis is in the cut lines leading to the groin area. There is sexual appeal for the chest but the main sex appeal is the (hidden) penis. In the second picture, the man’s breast tissue is comparable to a woman’s. However, he could still go to any beach in America shirtless and not be asked to leave.

Compare those pictures with these.

These are all images where the focus is directly on the breasts. Because that is what our culture considers sexy in women. So sexy in fact, we cover up female breasts like we cover up genitals. Because in our minds, female breasts are almost genitals anyway.

Well, you might say, female breasts can be sexually stimulated! Boobs are sexual! Not weirdo man nipples because they don’t serve any purpose. Well, let’s talk to the magazine that gives horrible sex and health advice in an effort to keep women within the patriarchal society we have! Because when exposing double standards, there is no better place to go to than the magazine that makes its money off double standards… COSMO!!

“Men’s nipples can be carnal command centers. Comprised of the tips, plus the pigmented circular area surrounding them known as the areola, they have the same nerve-packed pleasure receptors that yours do. But, all dudes are different, so the only way to know what kind of nipple play your guy wants is to experiment with various manual and mouth moves when you’re in the sack.” (http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/men-nipples-sensitive)

Okay, so men’s nipples are also sexually stimulating because they have a bunch of nerves there. WELL SCIENCE. Thanks for screwing that up. But what about MODESTY? What about DECENCY? WHAT ABOUT RESPECTING OURSELVES SO GUYS RESPECT US? HUH? WHAT ABOUT PURITY??

Modesty oversexualizes body parts by declaring them too “dirty”, “ to be seen therefore they must be covered. A quick google search of “Christian Modesty standards” shed some light on this. According to Charles M. Managan- WAIT. HOLD THE BUS.

A man? A man is writing these modesty guidelines for women? A man who has never been told to be modest? Who has never been blamed for rape because of his dress? A man who never had to worry that his shirt was three finger widths from his collar bone because that means modest? Okay, just wanted to clarify that.

Anyway, Charles Managan writes “To dress modestly is to avoid deliberately causing sexual excitement in oneself or one’s neighbor” (http://www.projectinspired.com/kt-style-guide-for-christian-girls-modesty/)

Well. But what if I don’t mean to cause excitement but I do? I guess I should just dress in a long sack all the time so you can’t tell I have boobs or a butt or a vagina. Because I mean, I don’t have any control over someone’s thoughts. Usually it is the person who needs to control their own thoughts. That’s how that works right? No? I’m in charge of all men’s sexual thoughts and desires towards me? Well, great.

I continued to browse this site to learn more about modest for “Christian Girls”. Because Christian Guys don’t need this thing called modesty! This is only for the sinful impure woman folk and their hidden, evil, plotting vaginas! And I found this helpful wealth of information:

• Bust: Avoid tight or see-through shirts or tops without appropriate undergarments, and tops with low plunging necklines that reveal a cleavage. If you have a large bust, then you should also stay away from spaghetti straps and strapless designs.

• Thighs: When it comes to skirts, select those that are no shorter than above the knee. Make sure you account for how high the skirt rises when you sit. When it comes to shorts, opt for those that don’t expose too much of the thigh.

• Back: Refrain from wearing backless shirts or dresses that plunge in the back. These styles are designed to look sexy.

• Stomach: Shirts and tops should always cover the stomach.

• Butt: Avoid tight skirts, shorts, dresses and pants that reveal the shape and curve of the buttocks. I also would avoid pants with words printed on the butt, since they are designed to cause the eyes to gaze at that area of your body.

The body is not sinful. But when it is decided that it is sinful, especially the FEMALE body, it must be covered up. The problem with these guidelines is that the man, the one who is having the “impure” or “lustful” thoughts is not repremanded. Instead the woman is told to cover up more. The woman must be the source of the problem.

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. Women in ancient Jewish times, were considered impure after menstruation and childbirth. Our natural functions made us unclean. This thinking has carried over into modern Christian modesty standards. Our natural body parts are impure, a cause for sin.

Let’s go back to the modesty standards for a second.

1. Girls with big boobs are more impure than girls with small boobs so they have to work harder and make more sacrifices so that men won’t sin because of something they have had no control over.
2. Thighs are dirty too. Because, well, they are on a woman. And a girl with nice legs might cause a man to sin too. And I mean, men are people who don’t have the capacity to control their thoughts at all. So cover those legs up girls! Those legs up that have little sexual capacity, except to hold you up and support you during dirty non-marital sex! Conceal those things that God gave you for walking and not for fucking.
3. Backs are also another completely unsexual body part that now is sexual because a shirt makes it sexy. And you know, you lay on your back when you open your legs up for those pesky but hormonal boys who don’t have any responsibility in this whole purity requirement except to blame you when your whore self decides to have sex with them. And if you have sex with them you probably have daddy issues because girls don’t like sex.
4. Stomachs. Again, not a sexual things really. Just the skin and fat covering the gastrointestinal tract. Plus, men can show their stomachs all the time. See #3
5. Butts. Don’t wear pants or skirts or shorts that show the curvature of the butt. Um. Okay. I guess I should invest in some baggy potato sacks. Except that could also show the curvature of the butt. Seriously. Have these people ever seen real clothing. SOMETIMES A WOMAN’S CURVES SHOW. It’s not sinful. It’s not an excuse for rape, disrespect, ogling, street harassment, harassment of any sort.

I also find it sad and ironic and telling that it’s assumed that women have the self control and decency to not have sinful thoughts about men having sex with them. BUT if they do think about sex, well, they need to learn to control THEIR thoughts and men don’t need to do anything to change their behavior.

I am not advocating that men and women should change their behavior to accommodate the personal thoughts of others. I am advocating that men and women understand that others deserve respect at all times. Rather or not they are covered according to the standards that YOU deem appropriate.  It is possible to appreciate beauty without objectifying. To tell someone you think they are attractive without harassing. And it is possible to have standards for appropriate dress for different places. For instance, most companies have business casual dress codes to remain professional. But life doesn’t have a dress code (thank God) and certain ideas of modesty are outdated and strange. Modesty is a social construct of society. African, Indian and Asian cultures functioned for thousand of years with the women not wearing clothing on the top half of their bodies (http://www.saupulse.com/2013/02/15/the-culture-of-modesty-2/) Women and their breasts are beautiful, functional and sexy. But breasts can be normal too. They don’t send men to the hospitals with massive boners that won’t go away. Breasts are normal. Healthy. No matter the shape or size. If we can’t have a culture that can deal with breasts, we will always have a culture that shames and blames women. Nudity and our bodies are awesome things and it is possible to have nudity without sex (and it is possible to have sex without nudity, let’s be real). Let’s try to reduce the mass sexualization and shaming of normal body parts.

-F

Fuck Watching Friends; White Privilege Sucks

Disclaimer: This post is rated F for fucking passionate language.

 

 

 

 

 

I fucking hate TV.

I fucking hate magazines even more.

Wanna know why?

Because there is whiteness everywhere and then I start question if it’s even okay for me to be Black anymore.

That’s why.

For example: I don’t watch Friends.

As a matter of fact, I can’t watch Friends.

I can’t even RELATE to Friends.

It’s the shittiest TV show I’ve ever seen because it’s a show about White people problems that makes subtle jabs about minorities.

It’s not bad that it’s about White people problems, I just can’t fucking relate to it and when people consider it one of the greatest shows ever I kind of want to punch them in the face because it makes me question if they ever seen the world outside of White privilege.

Friends is a fucking White fantasy that reminds me of the color of my skin and how people like me don’t matter in a big White world.

Furthermore, I am reminded that I am Black and a woman, which is not a good combination because according to your local television broadcast I either don’t exist, I am sassy, I am comical relief, ghetto, a crackhead, a booty shaker, or a hardcore bitch.

Fuck me, right?

Where are the people that look like me?

That act like me?

That talk like me?

I’m not mad at White people. I am mad because White privilege sucks for everyone that is not White.

White privilege is the standard by which everyone else that is not White is obligated to live  since race is a social construction made possible to manipulate as a result of patriarchy. It means that the world is constructed for whiteness and if you are not White then life is going to be harder for you by default.

Do you know how hard it is to try to be White when you are not White? To live by White standards? To constantly be comparing yourself to a White counterpart?

It’s like chasing a fucking rainbow. That shit is never going to happen.

But it’s the standard.

Because patriarchy favors whiteness.

For example, if you’ve walked into the make-up section of the store you’ve probably never noticed the fact there is nothing there for people with skin tones darker than a paper bag.

I remember that I walked into Walgreens once in hopes of finding a shade that would match my skin tone and when I asked the store associate for help, she picked up a bottle of “cocoa” foundation that looked relatively brownish. She then thought it would be okay to put  on my skin when I told her that it was not going to match. She then awkwardly apologized when she realized that the darkest shade on the shelf literally paled in comparison to my skin tone.

I don’t know if anyone’s seen me, but I’m dark and there are a shit ton of dark people in this country. How the hell is something as simple as make-up not made available to an entire group of people?

The same thing applies to band-aids.

If you have never had or noticed this problem, then you have White privilege.

Have you ever had to worry about walking out of a store every time with your receipt on your person for fear of being accused for stealing something?

No?

White privilege.

How about getting shot if you’re wearing your hood up in public?

What was that? Trayvon Martin?

White privilege.

I’m mad because White people don’t see the effect of slavery 150 years later as a result of White privilege.

To my white audience, yes, slavery still has a large affect on Black people today and it is a problem still.

Never noticed or gave a damn?

White privilege.

Allow me to break it down.

This country is incredibly comfortable with mass inequality. That’s right. I’m calling you out America. “The great land of the free and home of the brave.”  A lot of present day Black people will you tell that they’ve never been “free” a day in their livee. I can barely afford the increasing privatization of my post-secondary education and I don’t have health insurance because my family can barely afford it with two kiddies going to college for a price that exceeds our household income before taxes. That’s right. I still get to pay taxes before I get to pay for fucking health insurance.

‘Murica!

If you are not out there trying to protest, increase awareness, or communicate with your leaders, then it’s safe to say that you don’t give a damn because it doesn’t affect you.

Why? It’s most likely because you have the privilege to not give a damn. And if you are one of those people that aren’t interested in picking a side or are too apathetic to care, then fuck you too, because your silence only helps to perpetuate the mass inequality that you have the privilege to be apathetic about.

First of all, slavery set a precedent of mass inequality that Black people will not bounce back from for centuries.

For instance, less than 50 years ago (48 to be exact), Black people could not vote without being hassled. White male property owners always had this right and white women had this right 45 years before any Black person could even dream of having it. That was less than a lifetime ago.

Prior to that, lynching picnics were a thing. White people would gather around and have public lynchings to celebrate the fact there was one less nigger in the world. Yah, I said nigger. If you’re not Black, you’ve probably had the privilege of never having to hear it as a derogatory slur to your face.

Horray White privilege!

Back to my point.

If he was a man, he was probably castrated and bled out profusely before he was allowed to hang with a noose around his neck and die all because he accidentally looked at a White person funny.

‘Coon hunting wasn’t just a raccoon hunting hobby back in the 1960s; White people literally hunted Black people.

In case you didn’t know, that’s called terrorism.

That was also less than a lifetime ago.

Some Black people are still paranoid about shit like that. I know that I was before I moved here to podunk Arkansas. Nevermind that the Ku Klux Klan Headquarters in Harrison, Arkansas is a comfortable and scenic 45 minute drive from where I currently live.

Here is another example:

The middle class for Black people is not the same as middle class for White people.

According to Mitt Romney, the middle class annual income range is between $200,000-$250,000 per year. I don’t know what world he lives in, but this is the guy the people were electing to be president. I just want to point out that about 4% of the country fits in that definition of middle class.

Middle my ass.

That is some unrealistic bullshit.

Just sayin’.

Try to swallowing this big pill:

“According to new Census data released by the Pew Research Center and reported by the Associated Press, the median White household in the United States is worth $113,149. The median wealth for a Hispanic household is $6,325. For Blacks, the figure is a meager $5,677.”Source here.

For all of you folks that are visual learners, here’s a fucking chart:

That was in 2009. Four years later and the news media keeps reporting about how the gap in the middle class is only widening.

Shocker.

If you say something like, “Well, Black people should go out and get an education and jobs because they’re just lazy,” then fuck you because Black people don’t have money to do shit like that. There is no magical “Black” trust fund just laying around. There’s no affordable health insurance available. Or nice/private schools in “bad neighborhoods” with teachers that care.

Then, when our so-called leaders cut government aid that actually help people move up in society and help our country live up to its precious principles, minorities get blamed for doing shit like getting desperate enough to deal drugs, steal or some other fuckery.

People do a lot of crazy shit when they are desperate, but they wouldn’t be desperate if they were not put in desperate situations to begin with.

I’m not excusing the behavior. I’m just saying that when you cut out all other viable options the last option that is left is is going to be key for basic survival.

Brown people are born into poverty and die in poverty because of mass inequality.

Because of White privilege.

It’s a vicious cycle and it’s only broken by people that care or give back to their community or increase awareness or contact leaders because mass inequality is a serious issue that matters. It’s a plague that sucking the life out entire groups of people.

This society was constructed for whiteness and if you are not White then you are just shit out of luck.

Being Black is not easy. Not in the slightest. Everywhere I go, I am reminded that I am something that I am not. That I do not fall in line with standard deviation of all that represents ‘Murica.

So next time you see a bunch of Black kids eating lunch together, stop fucking asking why they do it. We do it because everywhere else we go we see whiteness and it feels good to be in a place where we are not constantly reminded of what we are not.

It’s good to not be the only Black kid in my class for a few hours or not be pressured to speak on behalf of an entire group of people when a White person would never have to be put in that situation.

I almost feel ashamed when I get excited about walking into a room full of people that look like me and have problems similar to mine.

I’m not trying to hate on White people.

I just want White people with White privilege to understand the privilege that they are lucky to have and to be aware of it.

Be conscious of your privilege.

That’s all that I want.

Then talk about it.

Tell other people about that privilege.

Share the problems of minorities.

Talk about mass inequality

Talk about race.

And for fuck’s sake, stop being scared to be put in “uncomfortable” situations when everyone that is not White is living in a constant state of discomfort every time they leave their own home.

There are a lot Black people and especially Black children that see being Black as a negative thing. Some of them rub bleach on their skin or whiten their pictures. They spend thousands of dollars weaving long and straight human hair into their own hair in hopes of feeling and appearing more White and having “good” hair as a opposed to their naturally kinky hair.

There’s so much internal loathing in the black community because of the constant presences of whiteness due to the fact that anything that is seen remotely Afrocentric is received as un-American.

I hope that reading this helped you to learn something or raised questions that motivated you to learn something. And if you have a question, then fucking ask or do some research and stop turning your nose up over something that you don’t understand.

Furthermore, remember that you are a human being and that you are not better than anyone.

Ever.

This post was brought to you by a frustrated Black person.

-O