How the Verdict Affects All of Us

This post rated P for potentially controversial.

Think about what it’s like to be ground down to things that  you have no control over.

To my government, to my peers, to the many people I walk by every day, I am my skin. I am a vagina.

Those are my identifiers. I am Black. I am a woman female.

It does not matter what I’ve done, did or am doing.

For the rest of my life I am a quota.

I am my body; I am an object.

Let that sink in.

For everything that I have ever done, I will be discredited and second guessed for what I am.

For the rest of my life I am not just a friend, I am “the black friend.”

I’m not just a student; I am “the black student.”

I am not just an employee; I am “the black employee.”

I am not equal. I am not the norm. I am not the majority.

Majority rules. It literally rules.

Because I am a minority, because I am different, I do not count and I do not matter.

I am Travyon Martin.

Police brutality has been around for decades and unfortunately Trayvon is one of thousands, but today one of my friends asked me how I personally felt about the verdict.

I felt frustrated.

I felt like our president, our leader didn’t take a stance.

I felt like justice wasn’t served.

I felt hopeless.

I felt like everything that I talked about from race to privilege meant nothing.

I felt like fighting was ruthless.

I felt angry.

I felt crushed.

I felt depressed.

I felt like we took two steps backwards.

I felt like I was not human.

I felt the patriarchy.

And I laid in my bed and I sobbed because I know that will never see the day where the people around me will see me as a human being.

I questioned everything that I stood for and I wondered if it was worth it anymore. I questioned why I blogged about patriarchy and why I bothered getting out of bed every morning.

The verdict made me want to cease to exist in a world where I am nothing more than my ebony skin and my sex organs and I felt like dying because of what I am even though I have no control over it.

When I shared these feelings with my closest friends, we all started crying because we all felt the same frustrations. Then they reminded me to not give up and they said these words to me:

” MLK once said ‘I have seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!’ The likelihood is that none of us will live to see a world of peace and equality… But the world is slowly moving in that direction and our actions today are invaluable in getting us there.”

And through our tears we talked about apathy and how people didn’t give a damn because it didn’t affect them and this quote came up:

“First they came for the communists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a communist.

Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Jew.

Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Catholic.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Whether you care or not, people are fighting for you. We are fighting for you. I am fighting for you. Trayvon is fighting for you. And while it may feel like we are getting nowhere and while we may never see the promise land we are going to die trying to get there.

We live in a world that is in a terrible condition and it may feel like everything is going to shit and that nothing matters anymore, but don’t give up hope. Keep pushing. Keep talking. Keep fighting. We do it not for ourselves, but for each other and for our children’s children.

In the great words of Margaret Atwood, “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.”  

-O